The Reactive State of Mind – Can we handle it better?

The reactive state of mind is one of immediate reaction, where a person comes up with a response without deliberation or rational thought. The “thinking” is actually more of an emotional response, rather than a cognitive response to an external stimulus, such as a reaction to another person’s comment about us. Most people are in a reactive mind state most of the time. This means that they simply come up with a default answer to a set of known, familiar stimuli. We frequently react in response to having just missed the bus. “I am always late!”. This statement reaffirms a narrative, a way of viewing the world. The reactive responses tend to be similar and repeat. When the person says “I am always late!”, there is usually an associated feeling with this statement. They may or may not be aware of the feeling in that moment, yet a feeling is there. If one pays attention and looks inwardly, they will notice there is an associated emotional response with the reactive phrase “I am always late!”. Why is the reactive state unhelpful?

The reactive state is typically associated with intense emotion. It can either be of positive (happy) or negative nature. The reaction does not allow the individual to effectively problem solve in a given situation. Clearly, the person aiming to catch the bus wants to get to a destination. By reacting, they just cause themselves suffering. They reduce their self-esteem by repeating a negative affirmation about themselves, such as a self-depreciating comment. This comment does not help them to get to their desired destination. In fact, it takes them further away from their final goal because they now have to deal with a disturbed emotional state. Scientific research actually shows that the human mind is naturally inclined to think of negative outcomes, as this gives an evolutionary survival advantage [1].

Unfortunately, this tendency towards negativity costs us in terms of happiness levels and wellbeing. Science shows that negative words activate the pain receptors of our body, effectively causing us pain [2]. Does this sound shocking to you? Next time somebody says something challenging to you and stirs up a strong negative response, try to notice the effect it has on you. How does the phrase you hear make you feel? Another study found an association between anxiety levels and ways of self-talk in children [3].

How can we move away from the reactive state? How do we change as people if we choose to do so?

The first step to moving away from a reactive mind state is to realise we are doing it and when we are doing it. A period of observation is essential. Keeping a diary of events that happen every day, as well as the emotional state we enter as a result of that specific event will add clarity and data for us to work with. Use a diary for a week and then come back to the next part of this blog post for the next step.

Once we have gathered some notes in the diary, we can do some self-introspection. Which events trigger a negative emotional response? These could be words, places, people, situations, music or anything other sensual information.

Next, look at your thinking patterns associated with the emotional response. What is the thought pattern? Does it repeat every time the same event arises?

Thirdly, when reading the thought pattern out from your diary, does it stir up the same feelings? If so, are they less intense than in the moment you experienced the stressful event? If the feelings in the moment of analysis are manageable, can you think of alternative ways in which you could relate to the same situation? Ask yourself: “What would you say to a friend if they told you they experienced the same situation?” Can you be kinder to yourself regarding the topic? Can you be kinder to the person or thing which caused the emotional response? In essence, we want to change the narrative you have created surrounding the particular trigger.

Write down the alternative, kinder response down. Then notice how you feel. Did this process change the way you feel about the original trigger situation? The person catching the bus could say to themselves instead:

“It’s ok that you missed the bus. There is one coming in 5 minutes and you can take this time to answer a text you wanted to answer.”

Speaking in terms of “you” rather than “I” is beneficial here. It is essentially as if we are speaking to a friend, which has a natural calming effect on us.

Repeat the same process for all the triggers you identified in your diary over the past two weeks. Then, when the trigger situation happens again in real life, notice how you approach it now. How is it different now?

[1] Norris, C. J. (2021). The negativity bias, revisited: Evidence from neuroscience measures and an individual differences approach. Social Neuroscience, 16(1), 68–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/17470919.2019.1696225

[2] Richter, M., Eck, J., Straube, T., Miltner, W. H. R., & Weiss, T. (2010). Do words hurt? Brain activation during the processing of pain-related words. PAIN, 148(2), 198–205. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pain.2009.08.009

[3] Lodge, J., Harte, D. K., & Tripp, G. (1998). Children’s self-talk under conditions of mild anxiety. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 12(2), 153–176. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0887-6185(98)00006-1