From Conflict to Unity

Conflict between human beings happens around us. Sometimes we are part of it, other times we observe it. Have you wondered why there is so much conflict around? Conflict can arise within one being or be externalised to involve more than one individual. Given how connected humans are, we are susceptible to being drawn into conflict when we see it arise in others. When we get involved in conflict, our own minds are infested with it. Regardless of whether we are the origin or receiver of somebody else's conflict, it is useful to think of each person as having conflict arise independently within them. Why is this so? Because then we have a choice, we put ourselves in an arena to respond skillfully when conflict arises. If we see conflict as simply a reaction to an external stimuli, then we give ourselves no opportunity to mitigate this conflict, to dampen its effects. If we lose awareness of our opportunity to respond to conflict skillfully, we are simply the medium through which conflict propagates. If you think of humans as the medium and emotion as travelling through this medium then we can see how conflict can travel around the world without ever stopping, simply being passed on from one person to the next. What causes people to create conflict in the first place? Most people do not want to actually harm another human being, they want to validate the desires of their ego. When we associate with the ego, we tend to put ourselves in the centre of the world and neglect other people's needs. Engaging in this type of thinking creates tension in us because we see other people as obstacles to our desires and hence we move away from peace and contentment. What we actually want to experience is a sense of safety, security and belonging. This is what we try to arrive at with the ego. However this is a wrong approach. The ego is there to help us survive but if we give it too much importance then we start to think that we are threatened all the time. It is more useful to acknowledge when we are thinking with the ego, thank it for showing up to protect us and shifting our focus to other ways of thinking. What are other helpful ways of thinking which avoid conflict and promote feelings of safety, security and belonging?

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

The first way we can approach conflict is to acknowledge that it is a source of suffering. Whether it is us or another human being or animal engaging in suffering, just stopping to note this obvious fact is very powerful. It has the effect of softening the mind and allows us to act differently to our default pathways. We can build this skill by increasing levels of awareness and mindfulness. Meditation practices are a great way to enhance these skills.

Once our mind is softer, we can choose to act out of a place of understanding, a place of kindness. When we deeply understand that suffering is a shared experience and why people behave the way they behave, then we can appeal to a more generous part of ourselves. It is amazing how differently we feel when we respond to conflict skillfully. We feel more connected with the others, better understood, more free from the ego and more empowered to act generously and kindly in the future. By repeating this process over many times, we can develop non-reactivity, empathy, equanimity and kindness. Many people may ask at this point what is in it for you? Well, the development of the above qualities directly impacts your life. Learning to be more calm, generous, understanding and empathetic will help in your relationships. You will spend less time thinking and acting with the ego, which ultimately brings joy and contentment.