Neutralising our inner critic

The inner critic is the voice inside of our heads which says "You should be better at this" or "I expected you to jump higher" or "This task was too easy anyways". Have you experienced a time when your inner critic tried to sabotage you in some way or simply to ruin your mood and demotivate you? If you have, you are certainly not alone.

It turns out that the inner critic has been studied for a while in psychology and refers to the inner voice which judges or demeans a person [1]. The inner critic, if listened to in earnestness, produces feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, low self-esteem, irritability and depression [2]. In the below article, I strive to provide some tools for dealing with your inner critic.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool which helps us to step back from our thoughts. It is the practice of focusing in on our senses (sight, touch, smell, hearing, taste) and stepping back from our thoughts. It can be practiced in meditation and mindfulness classes, yoga or learnt through guided meditation apps like Headspace and Calm. Focusing on bodily sensations reduces the effect that negative thoughts have on the individual and helps to ground one in the body. Studies [3][4] suggest that after practicing mindfulness, people experience fewer negative thoughts on average. For mindfulness to be an effective technique, it has to become a regular daily practice. Hence, be patient with the technique, as results are likely to come after some time practicing.

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Develop Self-Compassion

In moments when we realise we are listening and believing our inner critic, it is helpful to remind ourselves that we are simply enough as we are, that its ok to have limitations, imperfections and to make mistakes. A softer, more understanding self talk can be immensely powerful in stopping our inner critic.

Seek objectivity/alternative explanations

Our inner critic is biased against us so we need to work hard to see a different picture. When caught in the storm of destructive self-talk, consider if the opposite to what the critic says also holds. Look for examples which prove this alternative thought. Observe how this new thought makes you feel and if it weakens the action of the inner critic. Does the process shift your perspective and make you feel better? Writing these alternative thoughts down is even more powerful than thinking them.

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Avoid the competitive and comparison-based thinking

While being competitive can be a motivator for some, it can make others feel inadequate and fuel their inner critic. Knowing what your triggers are can make you more resilient to them next time you are in that situation. You can prepare for the next time your inner critic shows up by writing down some alternative evidence when you are more calm and reading it in the next moment of emotional distress.

Comparison-based thinking is about measuring your successes against other people's. The problem with this is that inevitably you will find people who are higher up on a given scale than you. This is why the focus should not be about being better than others, it should be about your own journey of learning and improvement.

Practice gratefulness and self-analysis

Set aside a time each day to reflect on your strengths, learnings and identify areas of that need improvement. What are you grateful for today? Do this exercise in a calm environment, while also ideally in a calm state of mind. Seeing your daily successes, however small or big will likely motivate you and enhance your confidence. If you do this daily, you will likely stop believing your inner critic as you will have plenty of evidence which points to the opposite conclusion, fresh at your fingertips.

In summary, if you feel like your inner critic has too much power over you, try these approaches for a few weeks. It is likely that you will establish a renewed relationship with yourself.

References

[1] Stinckens, Nele; Lietaer, Germain; Leijssen, Mia (March 2002). "The inner critic on the move: analysis of the change process in a case of short-term client-centred/experiential therapy". Counselling and Psychotherapy Research. 2 (1): 40–54. doi:10.1080/14733140212331384978

[2] Gilbert, Paul (2009) [1998]. Overcoming depression: a self-help guide using cognitive behavioral techniques. Overcoming series (3rd ed.). New York: Basic Books

[3] Does mindfulness attenuate thoughts emphasizing negativity, but not positivity?J Res Pers. 2014 Dec 1; 53: 22–30.doi: 10.1016/j.jrp.2014.08.002

[4] Keng SL, Smoski MJ, Robins CJ. Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical psychology review. 2011