Managing difficult situations with equanimity

In this blog post I look at ways of reducing the impact external events have on our emotional lives. Why would we want to reduce the impact the world around us exerts on us? Most importantly, we will find increased stability of mind, inner peace, calm and will be able to respond more adequately to life's challenges.

How do you currently react to difficult situations? Which situations are difficult for you? Do you find that because of an unhelpful emotional response, your behaviour is in turn ineffective?

If you have a hard time effectively managing your emotions in certain situations, then you are certainly not alone and there is room for growth and learning. The key to responding effectively is to increase the ability to find equanimity in challenging situations.

Equanimity is about acceptance of events around us. It is about non-reactivity, about calmness and composure. Equanimity is about intervening while also reducing our suffering in the process. An example of a response filled with equanimity would be to calmly help a distressed colleague without adopting their emotional state of turmoil.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Equanimity takes time and concentrated effort to develop. Mindfulness, self-compassion, journaling and reframing emotional responses are all ways to develop equanimity. Our emotional responses need to be understood. The first step for this to happen is awareness of our inner state. What are we feeling in the moment? By paying attention to our emotional state and inner dialogue, we can start to track emotional dynamics and begin to make progress. Once the emotionally difficult period is over, we can process it with a calm mind. This is where journaling and looking for alternative thoughts and actions is beneficial. This reinforces our decision making abilities and gives us more options to choose from the next time a difficult situation presents itself. In the example of helping a colleague in distress, we can focus on our breathing while comforting them. We can try to find compassion for them. If, while analysing our behaviour later, we find that we could have acted differently, this is perfectly acceptable. In fact, by becoming aware of these other possibilities we give ourselves the chance to learn and change our behaviour the next time round.

Even just developing the habit of monitoring your inner emotional state will give your a completely new perspective on why you think and act in certain ways. You may find alternative explanations for your thoughts and reactions if you develop this emotional awareness. Start small if you choose to go down this route, by first committing to be mindful in easier situations and slowly introduce mindfulness in situations where the emotional response is stronger. It sounds surprising yet this practice can also be helpful for tackling pleasant emotions too. There are times when positive emotions can also become overloaded and lead to psychological imbalance. The same techniques described above apply in order to develop resilience and equanimity in the face of positive emotions.