Luck, trauma and opportunity
Life throws its fair share of challenges at us. It can also give us a hand in times when we least expect it. Can you relate to times when life has seemed unjustly tough, to other times when it was calm and yet to another set of occurrences when life surprised you with its gifts?
This brings us to the notion of luck. How does one define luck? Intuitively, luck is the materialisation of desires by a fortunate set of events. Fortune is just a synonym for luck. Wikipedia [1] defines fortune as
"the phenomenon and belief that defines the experience of improbable events, especially improbably positive or negative ones."
This gives us a sense that life can be seen as a set of events, drawn from a statistical distribution. For the non-mathematically minded, we can say that life is constituted of different events, which we then assign a label to (either positive, negative or neutral).
In the image above, I have attempted to draw the Gaussian distribution, representing an event score on the horizontal axis and number of occurrences on the vertical axis. I assume that most events have an average score, some have high scores and some low scores, hence following the naturally occurring Gaussian distribution [2]. It is worth mentioning that it is how we view these events that determines the scores we assign to them. For some people, there will be more positive events and fewer negative ones and viceversa. Hence, our point of view and interpretation are just as important as the actual experiences which happen to us. So, how can we use this information to increase levels of satisfaction?
Can we change the objective experiences which happen to us? Even though we try hard to avoid certain situations and grasp at others in life, inevitably life will throw a distribution of events at us, meaning some will be inherently challenging and some inherently pleasant and satisfying. Hence, we cannot control the events which happen to us. What can we control? Our response to external events is one aspect we can be mindful of and change over time. Every challenging event is an opportunity to notice how our internal dialogue and emotions either re-balance us or destabilise us.
Over time, our responses become reinforced into conditioned behaviors. Only by making a conscious effort to treat each challenge as an opportunity to respond wisely and mindfully, can we start to take challenges as opportunities for growth. If we adopt this attitude, then the number of points in the "negative events" section of the plot above will decrease as we start to change our thinking.
What are other tools for transforming current events into more positive and fewer negative ones?
Engage with purpose and vision - What is the driving force behind your actions? Be clear on your motivators and remind yourself of them daily.
Practice self-love - At all costs, avoid criticising yourself and comparing yourself with others. Outline your own path for development and follow it. Remind yourself that your inner value is not linked with your achievements.
Focus on things which are bigger than the self - Think about how your actions may benefit others around you. Think of the bigger picture, stepping out of the self-centered world view.
Practice authenticity and generosity- Do things because they align with your values and you find them genuinely interesting. Try not to follow what other people do sheepishly and aim to resist the temptation to fit in. Be generous with your time and efforts, helping others without expecting anything in return.
If we learn to appreciate and engage with what is currently happening in our lives, then the next step is to heal from past experiences. It is possible to change how we feel about past events in our lives and achieve greater peace. If we view some events of the past as traumatising or challenging, we can gradually reframe them and even appreciate them for some of the lessons they have taught us.
Reframing past Trauma
A traumatic experience is an event which has happened and has led to a very strong negative response in us. Trama can be acute, complex or secondary [3].
Acute trauma results from a one-time shocking event, such as loss of a loved one or an accident. Complex trauma accrues slowly over time due to many repeated damaging interactions, such as an abusive relationship, experiencing bullying or illness. Secondary trauma results from being exposed to, or witnessing something, which has not happened to us directly, such as though a story, via the news or as a witness.
Trauma is a disease involving the memory [4]. Whenever we relive an episode of trauma in our minds, we feel similar feelings as the ones we felt during the original event. We do not realise that this event is in the past, that there is a portion of time separating us from the time when it happened. If we are able to let it go, to not engage with the emotions and memories it brings up then, slowly over time, the intensity of the traumatic experience reduces. Other helpful tools to help us deal with past trauma are reflective journaling, where we process and reframe the traumatic event, and practicing mindfulness of body when difficult emotions arise. Remember it is when our emotions are stirred that we have the opportunity to make progress, to choose not to engage in destructive thought patterns and hence to take the path towards healing.
If we are able to view current events in life as an opportunity to learn and develop, as well as to reduce our emotional responses to past events, then we are building strong foundations on which to flourish in life.
[1] ‘Luck’. In Wikipedia, 17 October 2024. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Luck&oldid=1251763597.
[2] Lyon, Aidan. ‘Why Are Normal Distributions Normal?’ The British Journal for the Philosophy of Science 65, no. 3 (1 September 2014): 621–49. https://doi.org/10.1093/bjps/axs046.
[3] The Jed Foundation. ‘What Is Trauma? | JED’. Accessed 25 October 2024. https://jedfoundation.org/resource/understanding-emotional-trauma/.
[4] ‘Reframing Trauma Healing: The Toolbox Approach | Psychology Today United Kingdom’. Accessed 25 October 2024. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-hope-circuit/202311/reframing-trauma-healing-the-toolbox-approach.
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