How to recognize and deal with manipulative people

A manipulative person is somebody who tries to obtain what they desire through emotionally confusing another individual. If you have been manipulated in the past, you will likely know that the process leaves you confused. This is because somebody is messing with your value structure, your thoughts and your emotions. Needless to say, emotional manipulation is an undesirable way to obtain your goals. Why? Well, firstly because you are directly causing harm to another human being. Victims of manipulative relationships report feelings of incompetency, low self esteem, decision-making difficulties and even depression. It is also surprising that the manipulators also report similar psychological and emotional difficulties as the abused. What are typical strategies that manipulative people use to get what they want?

These include, yet are not limited to, refusing to allow you to speak and have your say, dismissing your point of view as stupid or uninformed, using aggressive language and showing over-confidence in their statements and asking rhetorical questions. Rhetorical questions are questions which the manipulator answers themselves such as “Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Of course, it’s because it wanted to get to the other side.” Manipulators often do not ask genuine questions and do not care about your answer or opinion on the topic of discussion. Hence, they usually speak in terms of absolute truths and statements such as “This is right.” or “You do not know what you are speaking about.” If you hear someone around you use this type of speech and patterns of behavior then, you have noticed a manipulator! Once you know somebody has manipulative tendencies, what can you do to protect yourself from psychological and emotional abuse?

1) Keep away from these individuals – This is the ideal scenario as it requires the least amount of effort. Just simply do not let them into your life if you can.

2) If the person is already in your life, you can apply difence strategies. Ask questions all the time. Why, why, why? Pretend you don’t understand. This is extremely powerful, as it will frustrate the manipulator. What typically happens if you use this approach is that you will see the entire manipulative script play out. Towards the end, the manipulator may get angry, as this approach disarms them. If you persist for long enough , the manipulator will simply run out of steam and it will be obvious that the final answer to your “Why?” will be “Because I am right!”. Try it!

3) If the manipulator has violent tendencies, the situation can get more complex and it is advisable that you speak to someone you trust about it.

Now that you know how to spot and deal with a manipulative person, the chances are that they won’t be able to hurt you much.

Peter